Last month, I recieved two comments which is about long-distance caregiving, a situation that is too common yet always challenging. Caregiving is sometimes a complicated task, and any difficulty can become magnified by the reality and sense of your being too far away. Caregivers who reside at a distance from their loved ones often experience feelings of anxiety, lack of control and guilt. My best advice is to plan ahead. You need to familiarize yourself with the services in your loved one’s area or call a care manager and have that person begin visiting your loved before a crisis occurs. If you have not planned ahead, then don’t feel bad, besides we’re all human. What you can do now is get to work on your own or call in that senior care manager. How will a care manager quickly step in when you live at a distance? A care manager can:

Listen carefully, make the necessary contacts and develop a plan (within days, if necessary) following your and your loved ones, dictates on practical considerations and quality of life.

Be the ” eyes ” that you cannot be, simply because you are not there. Advise as to when it is necessary for you to come in person. Coordinate care in the home or placement in a long term care facility, communicating with nursing and medical staff, neighbors and friends, and keeping you informed. Escorts your loved one or parent to a doctor, an emergency room or provide companionship and solace through a hospital stay if necessary, acting as a representative and liason between medical professionals, you and your loved one.

Consults in the home or in the facility, providing oversight of caregivers as well as caring for your loved one and a human contact. Help your loved one acknowledge the implications of what has happened, and provide a necessary empathetic ear. This might be as simple as saying the words, “yes, you are in pain now, and it is understandable to be frightenened (or sad, or angry) “  and to offer help and hope, by letting your loved one know that he or she will have help for as long as it;s needed.  In simple terms, the care manager’s role is assisting both the loved one and those who are far away in coming to terms with the changes taking place, by caringly and professionally assessing the situation, and quickly responding to any needs with adult day care.

When the crisis has passed, it is time for fine-tuning, which can be done by the day, and in the weeks to come. When everyone has a chance to catch their breath, it’s time for the long-term care planning. A final thought: coming to grips with the everchanging nature of our lives and the lives of those we love is a challenge. But in reality, the only thing we can count on is change. So here are two questions I think will be helpful for you to ponder: How have you handled change in the past? And how would you like to handle change? A care manager with mental health expertise or a mental health therapist can be helpful if you are struggling with these questions. With a better understanding of ourselves, we can more easily roll with life’s punches.