Life has lots of surprises, and suddenly becoming the ” parent ” to your parents is a major development for both parties involved. When you believe a family member or other loved one is in need of senior care, then what is the best way to start a discussion? Several factors often compound this sudden reversal of roles: the feeling that you are meddling with our parent’s lives, the reluctance to accept that our parents are in fact aging; anxiety or guilt about who will care for them, and the potential for your heartfelt intentions coming off as insulting.  The first thing in getting necessary care is to get past the reluctance to talk about this issue. Gilbert Guide has assembled some suggestions to help make this process as painless as possible:

Listen, listen,listen no matter what. Show your genuine interest, concern and sensitivity.

Be supportive, not judgmental.

Ask open ended questions to your loved one to find out his/her personal circumstances and opinions.

Share your own thoughts about your own aging and what you plan to do.

Always remember to reassure your loved one that they are not alone in their concerns.

Take note to be prepared to accept your parent’s decisions and opinions even if you do not agree.

Determine how important it is to your parent to remain as independent as possible.

Who Can Help with Long-term Care Decisions? Solicit the help of non-family members in evaluating the type of long-term care your loved one may need. People of authority who are not related to you can offer a neutral opinion. Consider the following figures:

Your doctor or your loved one’s personal doctor.

Neighbors and friends whose opinions you trust, and who may have already faced a similar situation.

A clergy member who might be able to refer you to senior care groups or agencies.

A few county care service agencies.

Area agencies on aging or other senior information and referral services.